He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
