He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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