Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
