i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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