I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm sobbing to NWA
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
