So drunk its hurt
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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