Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
