i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize