You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize