Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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