I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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