That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
