she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
