I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
