My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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