i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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