my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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