I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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