Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
