That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize