I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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