I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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