I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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