and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
