We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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