I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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