Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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