Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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