So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
