Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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