hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize