Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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