I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
