ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
