the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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