Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
