I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
