so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
