was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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