some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
