hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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