Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
