Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
