she woke up with a sticky ear
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
