so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
