it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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