My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize