THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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