Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize