i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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