I bet he comes in French.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Actions speak louder than pants.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
