All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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