that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
