no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize