I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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