Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
