So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
