It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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