lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
