He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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