oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
