PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
