His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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