i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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